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April 2017

35 Things only people who have worked in an office will understand…

  1. The person who talks so loudly on the phone you can probably hear them from another county


  1. Being called the wrong name and debating whether to correct them or just go with it


  1. Forgetting somebody’s name and the constant sense of paranoia that one day you may be called upon to use it


  1. The realisation that your colleagues are animals when it comes to tidiness


  1. The fight for fridge space


  1. The monster that microwaves fish…


  1. Complimenting everybody on the healthy lunches they prepared at home knowing that you’ll secretly be swallowing down a foot-long Subway like a pelican come 1pm


  1. When you try to eat healthily but your work colleagues collectively decide to eat burger and chips in front of you


  1. The hushed gossip when office romances make an appearance


  1. “What are your plans for the weekend?”


  1. Trying to come up with ways to make it sound like you have loads planned for your weekend knowing full well you’ll be sat on the sofa eating crisps and watching cat videos on YouTube.


  1. The person who gets way too drunk on a company event and gets sent home at 9


  1. The person who always says they’re “only having 1 or 2 drinks” and ends up staying out the longest


  1. The silent walk to your desk on a Monday morning following a company event on a Friday that got seriously out of hand


  1. “How was your weekend?”
    “Good thanks, you?”
    “Yeah it was alright, cheers. See you later.”


  1. Attempting to do your makeup in the toilets and walking out looking like Widow Twankey


  1. Not being able to go to the toilet as a female without having a gossip


  1. Coughing once in the office and then being actively avoided by everybody who heard you for fear of getting ill, even your mates


  1. Nobody knowing who last had the birthday card for signing


  1. Writing ‘happy birthday’ in a leaving card


  1. Writing ‘sorry you’re leaving’ in a birthday card


  1. Singing Happy Birthday collectively to one embarrassed looking person


  1. The one colleague who always shouts “speech”.


  1. That Caterpillar cake…


  1. Hearing “Happy Friday” all day every single Friday…


  1. Buying fillet mignon, Lobster Thermador, Wagyu carpaccio, Fugu and a 5 tier triple chocolate gateaux for lunch ‘because it’s Friday’


  1. The urge to stab the 10th person to ask if you have ‘that Friday feeling’…


  1. The struggle to feel motivated on a Friday afternoon when the sun is shining


  1. Feeling like Bill Gates when you solve an IT issue by turning your computer off and on again


  1. The collective hysteria when an IT issue affects the whole office at the same time


  1. When the offer to make one person a cup of tea results in you making brews for the whole office


  1. The GIANT mug


  1. The burning resentment when you see somebody using YOUR mug


  1. The crushing disappointment of a terrible brew and the internal debate about whether they did it on purpose


  1. When the air con is boiling in the winter and freezing in the summer? What is that about?


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